“Sh*t My Dad Says” (about the dog)

Justin Halpern, right, and his father, Samuel Halpern, third from the right, attending the World Baseball Classic with Justin's friend Brad Lamers, sitting in the middle. Credit: Patrick Schumacker / For The Times

Justin Halpern is 29, but due to economic issues, lives with his 74-year-old dad, a retired nuclear medicine doctor. He began writing down the profane comments his dad says, on twitter [twitter.com/sh*tmydadsays], and now has gone to penning an upcoming book and having this phenomenon became a TV series, starring William Shatner as this curmudgeon father.

Halpern, who majored in TV and film production at San Diego State University, says that his screenwriting background “was actually why I had put those Tweets up. I was thinking that maybe someday, I would use the things my dad said in a script, so I was just trying to keep a record of them” that couldn’t be deleted.

Skeptics might think that the Tweets are a little too polished to be real, but Halpern insists that they are essentially verbatim.

This twitter feed is definitely NSFW (not safe for work) as they say. The cursing is continuous but truly hysterical. I have no idea how they are going to tone this down for a CBS TV series. HBO or Showtime, maybe, but CBS? Sounds crazy to me.

Go read a wonderful article that Mark Milian wrote for the LA Times to get a flavor for how unique this father and son combo is. I loved the part of when Justin was growing up, his dad walking around the house without clothes on, despite who was there (like Justin’s friends).

This is also a dog loving family, so I am hoping that the TV series and book expounds on this area.

“I wish maybe I wasn’t living at home,” Justin said during a phone interview. “But if you had to live at home when you were 28, this is a good situation. I really like my mom; I love my dad; I love my dog.” At this point, Sam can be heard in the background quipping about how he loves the dog, too.

Here are some of my favorite sh*tmydadsays dog-related tweets from Justin’s dad (I’ve bleeped out the curse words)

“I like the dog. If he can’t eat it, or f**k it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that.”

“Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his f**king food. Why’s he gotta do a trick first? YOU don’t have to do sh*t before YOU eat.”

“It’s not the gardener’s job to pick up the dog s**t. If you don’t want to pick up the dog sh*t, then learn a skill like gardening.”

“The dog don’t like you planting stuff there. It’s his backyard. If you’re the only one who sh*ts in something, you own it. Remember that.”

“The dog is not bored, it’s a f**king dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a f**king rubix cube. He’s a g-d damned dog.”

“Been thinking for a while, and I’d say there’s 1.5 pounds of sh*t in the dog. Tried to get the vet to weigh a sack of it. No dice.”

“We’re banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it’s okay to hump, and it’s okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out.”

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